Oh, my, that is a tough one. If she is depressed, then one of her characteristics will be having trouble doing anything. And I think trying to push her too much would make things worse.

What I am wondering is does she get treatment--see a psychiatrist, take meds, see a therapist?

I hear you saying that you two would not be able to hire much outside help. Off hand, I would suggest you try to do the minimum you can live with and just let some things go for awhile. And just tell her that you are doing the best you can, and it doesn't help for her to criticize you, especially if she isn't living up to her bargain......(Alas, depressed people can be very crabby, too. I know from experience.)