I too have fought Major Depressive Disorder for about 30 years now, been on and off medications and now it's full blown. Suicidal thoughts are really scary, I have them too. I think the thing to keep in mind for that is that they aren't you, but the depression thinking that. Even though the thoughts are there, quickly distance yourself from them. They'll still be there, but if you can't mentally distance yourself from those thoughts they can take over.

And yeah, you know it's coming. Like back pain that you'll never get over. I wish I could take my own advice, but the more you live in the moment, the easier the fight will be when the depression rears its ugly head.

As they say, "hang in there". You can beat it.