Depression has destroyed my life. I am so tired of feeling this way. Every morning when I wake up I am disgusted that I didn't die in my sleep. I feel bad thinking that way because I don't want my bf to have to deal with that. But I do wish I would just get sick and die in the hospital. I feel that is the only way I will have peace. It is painful to have to feel that way every day. My therapist wants to know what I want out of life and what can I do to get it. I don't have a clue at this point. I don't feel capable of changing things. I am too overwhelmed and too deep into the hole. My fears of change, of moving forward, of taking risks have made me unable to do anything except hang my head in shame and stay to myself. I don't expect anyone to have answers for me, I just need to vent.