Why do you feel the need to lose weight before you can your therapist? If you feel like they will judge you, that is not going to happen. Eating Disorders come in all shapes and sizes, and I understand not feeling like going out when I'm not feeling very good about myself, but you need to take care of yourself. If you want to learn how to eat healthy, I would recommend seeing a nutritionist. If you can't, remember, baby steps. Try to increase you calories a bit more for a few days to a week, and then up them again. Please get to your therapist and tell him/her how you are feeling. Recovery IS worth it and it IS possible. Have hope.