Thank you both for you kind replies. She lives only an hour and 15 minutes away, but says that the 2 1/2 hours on the road round trip is just too much time for her to spend to see me. I don't have a car. I see my grandsons maybe 2 times a year, when I find a way to go to see them, or when she needs a babysitter so she can go on vacation. I am a disabled veteran, being treated for depression since forever, have PTSD from my military experiences, and ADD which makes it hard to do anything well. I have often wondered what horrible thing I ever did to her in childhood to make her hate me and punish me every chance she gets. She has just sucked the joy out of my life. I'm having trouble eating and can't keep anything down now for 3 days. Spending most of my time in bed, shaking inside and out. The past few months I had made so much progress creating a good life for myself, finding reasons to continue living. You would think, knowing all the trauma I have experienced in my life, she would not be so disrespectful and mean. She just thinks I'm weak because I need help for my mental issues. I don't know- maybe I'll just finally give her the Christmas gift she really seems to want and do away with myself.. If I can't eat, maybe that will happen without my even trying. I've stopped using my CPAP and hoping I'll just die in my sleep. I am barely functioning.