Thank you for the great reply. I really appreciate you're offer to help motivate me, if I can find a way for you to help I'll let you know!

That's actually a really good description of how I see my Self. And you are spot on in that it's a question of motivation. There is something subtle that I haven't figured out yet that keeps me from being motivated to take part in society. I feel like society is incompatible with my own values. Personality is not who we are, it's an expression of who we are, and since I've been out of balance, so has my personality traits. I feel like behavioral therapy would be the way to proceed, but I know the power is all in my hands, so I wish I could just change my perspective. I don't know, maybe I'm not supposed to, maybe I should let them go and walk my own path. But it really hurts to lose my son. If I choose a different path, it's going to likely mean me traveling to another place.