I am an open book. No topic is off limit, though it's been a growing process to feel that way and talk about the hardest things, certainly. I've been doing therapy with her for 9 months, 3 sessions a week or so, and it's been a process to share so much, it's happened in layers, in stages, and I have had very difficult moments where I felt I didn't trust her, felt furious at her, even, though it was out of proportion.

I still worry some about her abandoning me, but that's getting better.

I believe some back and forth like you're experiencing happens quite a lot. Perhaps you can discuss it with her?

Seems like hate is another issue from trust, not sure what happened in your therapeutic relationship, but definitely sounds important to work out. I hope it improves for you!