You sound like a good person, and you do realize you need help. Obviously, because you posted this. I have been through addiction, not as severe as yours is, but people around me have also been down the path you are going down. I have watched it. You are too young to face something seriously wrong with your body. I don't want to sound harsh, I don't. But don't you think that little 4 year old can see something is amiss with you??? Don't you think the 2 ladies you reside with can see you just self-destructing before their very eyes??? I am sorry, again, but I have done illegal drugs, you can only hide destructive behaviors for so long..... People are relying on you, whether you realize it or even care, they do. You are a part of people's lives. I know you can't stop and maybe in your own mind you really do not want to stop either. I used to hate (with an absolute passion) going to a psychiatrist, but there comes a time when you have to force yourself. When you need help, when you can't do it on your own, you need help. Even if you truly don't care about yourself as much as you want to anymore, please have the heart to care about that child and those 2 ladies, I am quite sure they do not want to be seeing you in a casket anytime soon......