So as it comes around with everything else. Insomnia. What do others get up to? I've tried exercise, chores, reducing stimulation from TV etc. and still I'm just not getting off. The last week has been such a switch. It's like I just can't stay still. Does anybody have bouts like this? It just seems that when you have cracked it in regards to keeping on an even keel then bam! I wish I actually knew why this situation is so repetative in my life. I thought it was shift work. I was weeks away from dismissal as I couldn't work nights. I identified it as a culprit to make worse whatever it is. So, I work my self really hard to attain a job which is normal hours and was so certain that the sey routine would solve the problems. And it did for six weeks. I felt like I was finally away from self destruction. I felt like I was able to do my work real easy and enjoyed it so much I would work late and didn't mind. I think that I thought the problems were completely caused by my prior job. Everything felt good. I could connect with my creative side, was writing songs. I also got a mortgage and am now in the process of buying a house. Spending to much was the only problem at this time, but nobodies perfect and I was really enjoying being alive.
It's all changed reallly quick, and I still can't sleep. I have not much I can think of that's bothering me so I don't understand this crash or whatever it may be called. I am frightened that I will make a mess of another job. I worked so hard to get it. Trying really hard to manage but it's hard knock to see things that scare me return. My voices are back, and whilst I can manage them generally I'm trying to keep going but people keep asking if im ok and don't really want to tell anyone what's going on. So scared of repetition. I wish it wasn't so all or nothing.