My T says that I trust her as best as I can. I think I trust her a great deal. I have a "second world" of sorts in my head, and in many scenarios I realize that I wouldn't call for a friend or family member if in distress - I'd call for her. She is the only one i'd trust to have my genuine best interest at heart. I do pull away from her often, and she accepts this graciously; always waiting with open arms when i'm ready to trust her again.

I don't tell her everything but sometimes I will tell her things that are on my mind at the moment - if she allows me the time and space to feel free to do so. I'm not an open book persay, but a book that is available to be read if she takes the energy to try to navigate through it.

It's perfectly normal (in my convoluted opinion) to waiver in trust. Trust should be earned not freely given. If you're not comfy trusting her in that moment, its best not to. Because there is always the chance that even if she didn't break the trust, you could deeply regret releasing information you were not ready to release. Then again she could surprise you and you may find that in giving her a little, it builds the trust between you two.

In regards to you hating her, the only way that can be fixed is internally or through discussing it with her. If its not a usual feeling for you then the situation should probably be addressed head on.