I feel so numb sometimes I just need the pain to remind me I'm still alive... Other times I just get so mad at myself I love to see myself in pain... For a while it was the only way I could keep that fake smile on and stay "sane" for most of the day... I started in February when my best friend killed herself, and I never really stopped... I wish I could, because I know how much it hurts my boyfriend... But I can't stop...