Was not looking forward to having an upper endoscopy or colonoscopy today. But got yo early and went in there. I've had quite a few endoscopic procedures, so there's a part of me not bothered too much by it. Except, when they are ready to begin, I explain the fear of the first upper endoscopic procedure I had where they thought I was unconscious and began the procedure with me wide awake. It's always terrified me that it would happen again and I always tell the nurse and doctor my fear and beg them to make sure I'm out,

Never happened again and even though I still have this terrible fear, I was able to do the procedures. As stated above, I was to have both procedures done. And it took a lot of meds just to knock my out. The next thing I remember, I woke up during the colonoscopy, and telling them to stop because it was hurting. They gave me more meds which knocked me out again, only to wake up at least two more times that I recall and begging them to stop. They kept giving more drugs and I don't remember waking up again.

I feel still traumatized by it. I know she's new and according to her, her assistant at the office said at some point I had insisted on going to this surgical center even though I supposedly knew that the doctor knew from my history she wanted me somewhere that I could be monitored more closely. I told her I didn't remember everything, but I was not the type of person that would have casually dismissed her recommendation.

Either way, it's getting late here and I'm still pretty traumatized by the whole thing. I have to have another colonoscopy because the one she did today was not a complete one because of internal scar tissue from my hysterectomy that prevented her from seeing everything.

Sorry, just had to vent. I ferrel like just taking some extra meds to knock myself unconscious until sometime tomorrow and not feel the way I do right now.