oceanwater
if femininity is defined by dressing in skimpy cloth which barely cover ones body,flirting constantly,imitating media born "ideals",....then we have overflow of it.Have you ever noticed that woman wearing buttoned down dress covering most of her body may look more appealing and feminine then one in barely there outfit? It is not an issue of what to wear to feel feminine,it is how comfortable one is to feel feminine.
some of the factors for unconscious refusal to feel feminine are childhood abuse,traumatic events or very low self esteem,false sense of femininity being equal to weakness ,which trigger subconscious "protective " denial of belonging to whatever particular gender. And media Barbie idolization is not helping.
The thing is,no matter, man or woman,one looks feminine or masculine when he/she is confident about self,and that what people around perceive too,your confidence. YOu do not need a perfect body with perfect face and perfect teeth and exact weight to be feminine or masculine.
Try to love and respect your body(curves/no curves),don't try to hide behind oversized outfit (which seems to me what you are doing),you will not need to put on miniskirts or revealing attire,simple slacks with blouse may be very appropriate and feminine ,while not compromising your desire not to wear a dress.Femininity is not a weakness,embrace it .
I am very sure you are a beautiful person who is just trying to find her way out ....just like a butterfly ,coming out of chrysalis..
i wish you courage and happiness,be content with your body
big hugs
PS. I've been there,felt that ,so not lecturing