The fact that you are so desperately fighting this "evil" and that you do not want to be like this, already says that you aren't... Life is about choices in the end... sometimes I feel the need to go out and get high, to get rid of myself and my thoughts... to give in to the junkie insied of me... but I CHOOSE not to do it.... We all have good and bad parts constantly fighting inside of us, it is up to us which one we choose to listen to...

You definately are NOT evil or bad... if you were, you would not hae this dillemma... You are in fact strong and capable and at least trying to be honest with yourself... trying to figure out who you are...