Crimson, it's interesting you bring up the idea that maybe I have the wrong therapist and that I should listen to my gut. My gut has never told me, not once, to quit. He's very gentle and always available by email midweek if something pops up.

For the last several weeks we've had some pretty in-depth conversations about how much worse I feel. I told him I wasn't sleeping and that I was crying almost daily. He also knows about my transference feelings and we've talked about that as well. The only thing he doesn't know is that I have looked him up on FB. I don't think I have the strength to come clean about that!! Makes me feel like a creeper.

I have a session tonight that I'm both looking forward to and dreading. I emailed him the other day explaining that my transference is worse than he is probably aware of and that we should probably talk about that. I didn't give any details - I want to learn how to say difficult things, if that makes sense. His response brought me some comfort. He told me he's happy to discuss anything I want to, and that if I'm having trouble getting the conversation started he can gently roll the ball for me. He also told me there were ways to make this conversation easier, one of which being to make less eye contact tonight. So weird! Just the day before I was searching this forum for threads about eye contact because it's so hard for me, especially around him. Ugh.

Anyway, it's nice to hear everyone chiming in that getting worse before you get better seems like the norm. I've been on a downward spiral for 3 months and I'm eying the end so desperately.