I obviously don't know the circumstances... but staying up all night with a weapon isn't normally acting appropriately. That sounds a lot more like hypervigilance (which is an understandable reaction btw). If you were in such a harmful situation then I am so sorry that your only available solution was to stay awake all night with a weapon I am glad that you are out of that situation now.

There are four responses to things: Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn. Freeze and Fawn are newer observations I think, and aren't always talked about.

What do you think about when you've frozen? How long do you stay frozen? If your thoughts freeze up or run off on you, I'd start with trying to work on how you think while you're like that. Maybe start identifying the emotions that you're feeling when you're frozen up? Like.... I sorta lock up sometimes. Not to the point of shaking or crying, but I do sometimes freeze. It doesn't last for very long, but I'm not able to move or talk when it's happened. It starts out with just pure panic (and usually, for whatever reason, I'm unable to flee which is my typical response). So... I get the panic and then I go "Alright. You're here. you can't leave. What is the best choice right now?" and work through solutions. It goes really fast. Normally I don't like any of them, but I'll go with the one that seems the least risky for me.

I guess I am suggesting working towards gaining more awareness of your thoughts and emotions during these times, so that you can start to work through them.