Yesterday I realized how much i started to trust my T. Some time ago, she thanked me for the trust i have in her. And told me that i was trusting her much more than she thought was possible for me. And now I think I trust her a lot more then at that time, maybe i trust her even completely. I can tell her anything, but do not always tell her anything. Especially if something really is quite difficult ' to speak out loud' or if taking good care of myself did not go so well. In the past I could easily hide it, i had my 'mask'. But my T has learned so much about me and observed me. That's even scary sometimes! Sometimes I do not even have to say how it goes, she can 'see' it. Even if I try to hide things, it no longer works so I can better be honest or say that I do not want to talk about it.

It took three years of intensive therapy with testing, pushing her away, not listening to her, i was impossible, not intentionally. But trust people was not on my 'list' and getting attached or needing someone also not on my 'list'. She has added a lot of new things to my 'list'. I find my new 'list' much better than my old one.

I'm glad that i started to trust her!
Bloem