hi dreamgirl, firstly can i say hi, and its a pleasure to meet you.

i am sorry you are so down. depression does make us want to die, and to kill ourselves. it seems the only way out of the pain we are in, but although it feels that death is the only way out, it most definately isnt.

try to think of something you enjoy doing, it could be anything, from doing a crossword, to listening to the radio, or a particular song, or watching a certain movie, whatever. just think of something that connects with you, makes you feel a little better, and do it. allow the distraction, the change. it might only be momentary, but its always good. when we are in depression we need to keep our minds active and positive, this acts as a food source for our minds to be able to fight the depression away.

talking about why exactly you are down will help in 2 ways, 1: it helps to unload hours upon hours of pain, by simply type-talking it can open the floodgates and release all the pressure building up inside. even if you write it down on paper, then throw it away - it doesnt matter, as long as you express in some sort of way why you feel the way you do. and 2: as you talk more and more about the issues that make you unhappy you will learn to automatically look for the solution, the way to take control of whatever is going on in your life. this is a good skill to possess, as overtime it gets easier to call upon this, thus making things seem that little easier and focused.

dont "want" to be happy. this is destructive as we are telling ourselves how to feel, and how not to feel. happiness will follow, as long as you focus on the key things that make you sad. dont beat yourself up by telling yourself you are worthless because you arent happy, but you want to be. just relax and tell yourself "ok, im unhappy, but i have the strength and help i could ever need to beat this thing that makes me sad, happiness will shine through eventually, i just need to work at it". tell yourself that and try to accept what you feel and go with it.

i hope you feel better soon, and if theres anythign i can do, let me know ok. im here for you.

take care, and stay safe.

simon