Thanks for replying, catsrhelm.
She knows that i struggle with abandonment, and has been really good about it in the past. I did text her about it last week and she did all she could to reassure me that she wont abandon me..but i just cant seem to trust that.

I trust that she probably means it when she says it, but what's to say she wont change her mind 5 minutes later, or when she really gives it some thought? These are the thoughts i have, even though the logical side of me knows she is trustworthy.

The past few weeks have been so so bad, with me crying about this imagined situation in which she abandons me etc. i just don't understand why it is getting worse instead of better.