Hello SimonSays1-

First, I am so sorry for the horrible pain you have endured and what was done to you in your past. I was struck by the title of your thread because that is a phrase that would describe my existence as well. I know that there are so many times when I believe that there will never be an end to all the suffering, to all the pain, all the triggers.

I struggle with PTSD-I don't know if that is something that you have but it sounds like you do have some of the symptoms-and in all the research I've done I continue to find that it's suppose to get easier to handle the triggers and all the other symptoms or issues as the healing process continues. Do you feel that you're getting adequate help from your therapist? That would be an important question to ask yourself. Getting the right help is key. You are absolutely correct-you have suffered enough. You deserve to be free from the pain and anguish. So, ask yourself if you think you are receiving adequate help and if you believe you are with the right therapist then try to remember that it will take time and be kind to yourself. You were not treated with the caring and compassion and nurturing that you deserved as a child. If you can, try to give those things to yourself now. I know it's hard to do but try to give yourself that loving self-compassion now. You truly deserve it. I wish you all the best.