In my quest to dig myself out of my self-loathing, I've been reading quite a bit on how to develop self-esteem. The thing I keep running into is that each step or bit of advice seems to hinge on acceptance from others. This seems so completely counter-intuitive to me.

For example, if a person sets a goal to accomplish X in Y amount of time and they do it, then they should reward themself. So they have a Coke or something. Then person B berates them for bad eating and getting fat.

The point of the exercise then makes the first person feel worse rather than better. It goes on and on. It seems like unless you're 6 years old on a recreational soccer team it's impossible to have your time in the sun. Someone will be upset with you because you're blocking their sun.

I just don't understand how this is supposed to work? Does anyone have any solid advice on how to develop self-esteem that can't be just shot down or maybe I just need to pick up my coat and disappear?