My daily routine goes like this:

Wake up. Look at the kitchen, cringe because it's full of beer / soda / empty whiskey bottles from my dad and brother and I immediately go away, skipping breakfast in favor of the computer. It's a gateway to the outside world without actually experiencing it.

Go over my social group's things. Currently I run a roleplaying guild in an MMORPG (World of Warcraft) where we come up with characters and cooperate on the writing and creation of stories. It's an escape, and I put my soul into these stories so that it does not have to suffer the fighting in the household outside.

Once the guild is taken care of, I poof. Put my contact lists on invisible mode/etc and just avoid things as long as I can for the silence. Even get absorbed in a different game where I can have my own little world.

I eat only when my stomach demands it, and drink water constantly to keep it somewhat satisfied.

Then, when this routine is over, I simply go to sleep.

I've always had a hard time obtaining and keeping any sort of job because of my social anxiety, but I believe the APD is an addition to that anxiety. Jobs get started and when I'm starting to do well, I'll panic and quit or get fired from missing work while I hid away at home. This got my boyfriend of 6 years to dump me a few years ago and it's still a sore spot.

I suppose what it comes down to, in a way, is a severe lack of confidence or belief that I can do what I need to do, or that I can finish something. Nothing I ever start even gets finished, and often when a story is going well in my guild, I'll find myself REALLY wanting to get away from it, even though it's something I enjoy. Perhaps it's even a disassociation with the self, because I'm so far in the clouds that reality is just plain scary.

This all just comes down to a couple of questions.

How do I pull myself out of the clouds without scaring myself so much that I decide to fly away again? How do I make something more of myself before I sink with the rest of the family?