I'm going to try again. Tuesdays and either Sat. night or Sunday. I'm also going to try not to google my T or go on her FB page. She says I'm addicted to the computer, especially these sites, and to her, and in order to get better, I need to do more with real people in my life. Her saying that wasn't a surprise, of course.

So, you guys were right. She says I can stop my behavior at the same time as working through it. She also said that she can't make me change; only I can do it. Many people are addicted to the computer; she says it's like being an alcoholic or shopaholic.

She said she felt "spied upon" when I told her I went by her house, and the problem is that I do things without permission. She says she keeps her private life separate from her work life. When she said that, I kind of checked out because I was triggered, so she had us both touch our arms, legs, and move our wrists around to get back to the present. She knows that I don't understand about boundaries. It's not about me, I think she said. It's HER boundary, and about HER. I said I didn't want her to have that boundary. Nothing came of that remark. She asked if would follow her out-of-state if she moves. I said "no".

She agrees that I get something from getting all the replies on here, the same as I get something from googling or going on FB. It feels good, at first, like when I connect with her, but then it makes me more distant from her, NOT connected. It backfires. I need to have more or better connections with real people. I tried to tell her that I also email friends whom I see in RL too, but she still thinks I need to get off the computer.

We didn't talk about my brother yet. We talked about termination. She asked how I wanted it to be, and said she'd think more about the financial end of it because I said that there's not enough time to end gradually, and I don't want to "waste" the sessions that insurance is covering. I mean I don't want to skip them. She mentioned that I could see someone at the center where I take DBT. I nearly exploded because I thought she knew that I was not going to see a 6th T! It makes me feel really bad for her to say that.

I said I feel like I failed therapy. She said she sees a lot of difference, and asked if I'm happier. I said sometimes I am, but not now, and not if I can't solve this attachment stuff.

She thinks my Self can help the baby part get its needs met--or something like that. I always forget the important stuff. I wasn't particularly attuned to her today. I told her I didn't feel connected, and didn't feel like she cared about me. I felt like I was just her job. It was hot in the office--77 degrees, she read, and my face was so hot!! Part was my emotions, part was the heat which she can't regulate.

I guess I could post in the addictions forum about computer addictions, but I will try to stay off PC after tonight.

I feel depressed because she's taking all my "goodies" away from me. I have to find others. I feel like swearing. I feel like I'm just her job and that hurts a lot.