I know this has got to get tiring for you all to listen to but honestly I don't really have any other place to vent or bounce ideas off people. And you're all so nice and supportive so if you want me to stop, stop being so accommodating

So I am not at all sure of myself as you all have picked up. Well I'm sure of myself in certain isolated ways but not with people, and especially not the ladies, as you've surely already surmised. The latest experiences are no exception.

So everything seemed ok at the time, when I posted my last reply to the last thread about doubting. We talked, she waited for me to get home and then we started playing one of our games. Granted, we played from about 7 pm til possibly 1 am in a stretch, but you know I have a wild imagination.

In the midst of it, earlier she left, said brb and came back. She said "sorry I had to eat.. " and that's no big deal. We played for some time more and I left for a bit to chat with someone on fb and came back etc.. this goes on all night back and forth. Pretty normal stuff. At one point, after she left and came back I asked if she was ready to start again (continuing where we left off) and she said "yep" and literally disappeared after a few seconds. her character in game remained stationary. It seemed like an hour. I'm not sure exactly how long.. long story short when she got back there was no explanation offered or anything, just "sorry" I even asked what happened and it was almost as though the meaning of the question was totally missed and she didn't reply directly. Which is odd. Odd because she never does that. :/

It bothered me for awhile, because most times when people go away like that there's a reason and they usually will say what it was if asked or explain that they don't want to say so. Something anyway... The kicker last night was that at 1 am she acted out of character again. Let me add first that all night she'd been pausing, her character would lag behind because obviously she was doing something else. AT the end of the night she said at about 1:00 am, well I will have to stop here. That's it. Said "I will be back, but will you be asleep?" and I told her probably if it takes awhile. She said "I will play with you again tomorrow and we will have more fun." or something to that effect.

Considering that she's usually very upfront with what she's doing or what not, it was weird that she left no explanation and on top of that it typically has not been her that cuts off gaming but me, as I usually end up saying I have to go to bed. So that was a first and without an explanation God knows, all kinds of imaginary things have gone through my head...

Resisting the urge to ask her if anything's wrong, since I don't want to come off weird and needy and I know it would. Also resisting the urge to just say "eff it" and quit the whole damn thing. Attempting to stay offline for the day. Just stay off and keep to myself, although that's not the easiest thing to do. My brain's saying "yeah well she's not going to notice anyway"

So meh. Thanks for listening. I realize I'm thinking things that I have no solid evidence of but it's very real in my mind. I'm sure some of you know exactly waht I mean.

Thanks
~S4