You might want to think about putting measures in place that keep you connected in session. I noticed that at pretty much all the crucial moments that tell you something you don't want to hear, you said you check out, get triggered, forget. I would suspect that's why you felt disconnected from your T, not because of anything she felt about you.

I'm also confused about being adamant about never seeing another T. I understand the dread of starting over, for sure, but if you really want to heal, rather than simply stay connected to this T, then why cut off the possibility of another therapy? I'm not saying it would necessarily be a good choice, but your T suggested it as an option for a reason.