I agree with Useless Me, that I feel I don't know the whole situation and might be very off.

This just reminded me of something my therapist said about relationships. We were talking about parents and children... and how as relationships become established, they tend to settle into patterns. Once these patterns are established they are very difficult to change. Therefore when you want to stand up for yourself in situations in which you have previously buckled you must expect some whiplash right back at you for "breaking the pattern".

It sounds like you are making some positive changes for youself and that you need to stand up for yourself against a hubby who is not doing well. Just take things slow and make sure you have a backup lan in case he gets violent or hurtful towards you emotionally?