Ok so when i was in around grade 4-7 i had to live with my dad and my step mum on the weekends and my step mum was very emotionally abusive.

She used to constantly say i was a brat and belittle me because of where i lived when i wasnt with them. She constantly shouted at me and pushed me . Additionally she would get the other members of my family like my half brother and grandmother to laugh about my faults when they thought i wasnt listening. Also she told me that hated me so much and that when i was away from the house the next week what she would hand out posters to my mums workmates and tell them how much of a b**** and a s*** my mum was. Being in year 4 at the time i absolutely believed that she was going to do it and was scared out of my mind. Also one time when she thought i was sleeping she sprinkled water on me and whispered that i was the devils child ( she was into weird witchcraft stuff). Even though i was in year 4 i can still hear her screaming to me that " once a backstabber, always a backstabber" and that sentence has always pretty much stayed with me my entire life. And as a result ive always had quite a low self esteem and have had alot of trouble trusting people and building relationships. Although the great irony was that i heard she broke her own back a couple of years ago.

I dont think i ever quite got over any of her abuse and i tried to suppress it and forget about it. In year 7 i went through quite a long and lengthy court process so i didnt have to see either of them. 5 years have passed since ive seen either of them and now im starting to get really vivid reoccurring flashbacks of my time in that house.

More than ever i want to scream at her like she screamed at me since i never got the chance to confront her as i was a child. I want to tell her how much she has hurt me and ruined my childhood. I want to look her in the eye as an adult and show her that she can no longer hurt me.

Am i being too angry/vengeful? Should i suppress my emotions more? Also what can i try to do to get rid of the flashbacks?

Also ive had a very bad experience with counselors, with one of them telling me about a member of my family had died casually before any of my family told me. ( the meeting had nothing to do with the deceased)

Also i dont trust my biological father as well as he did some very bad things to my mother before i was born.

What should i do? I dont want to keep this emotional baggage with me any more and move on in my life.