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Dec 04, 2013, 09:01 AM
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Member Since: Jun 2007
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 5,518
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Hi Middle
My ex walked out on me when I was pregnant. It wasn't a planned pregnancy, but he appeared excited in the beginning. As the pregnancy progressed, he decided he no longer wanted me or the baby. He didn't say it outright - just kept making excuses for not being available. I tried to keep him in my life, but he had clearly moved on. He was not there for the delivery, he did not help with child care, and he did not provide financial support. He married someone else.
I raised my son by myself (until I met my husband when my son was 5). My ex would visit occasionally, but not regularly. I never said anything negative about my ex to my son because their relationship was different. I never asked for financial support because I knew it would most likely cause resentment - especially if we had to fight it out in court - placing our son in the middle. I never made excuses for him either - it was up to them to figure it out.
My son is an adult now and the "spittin' image" of his father. Not only do they look alike, they have all the same mannerisms.
My ex was an absent father. My son considers my husband to be his father - barely even remembers life without him. However, when my son joined the Navy during the Iraq war, my ex contacted him, My ex served in the Navy during the Vietnam war.
My son had some built-up resentment towards his biological father, but they were able to talk things through. Because they are so much alike, I knew they would be able to form a bond with each other. My son still considers my husband to be his dad. He calls his bio dad "Pops," and they are very close. My ex and his wife are very supportive (emotionally) to my son - like very good friends who know him well.
My ex broke my heart when he walked out on me, but I let go of that resentment a long time ago. I'm thankful now because my son has two fathers who love him dearly.
My advice to you would be to focus on yourself and your baby, and be prepared to live without him. If he's not there for you now, chances are he wont be there for you later. If he's able to get his act together, maybe he'll be a good father one day - but he'd probably be a lousy husband, so don't hold your breath. If he comes back into your life, claiming to be cured, I'd think twice about taking him back.
My heart goes out to you - as well as my prayers. Stay strong for your little girl. You can do this. 
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