Hello,
I am new to this forum so I would first like to apologize for any ignorance on my part. I will try to keep this short. I always been some what mentally unstable. Weird thoughts, some friends would say. Either way, I have never been to a professional to get diagnosed with anything but one this is for sure, I am depressed. I broke up with my long term girlfriend recently and that was the beginning of my downward spiral. I started having extreme highs where I thought I was unstoppable and extreme lows where I will hide and cry for no reason. These actions started to make me feel pathetic. I always thought I was strong, and the fact that a break caused all this made me feel worthless and weak. I started drinking but stopped that because every time I became intoxicated I would be overwhelmed with negative thoughts. I am about to lose my scholarship for school due to few things. I am not afraid of losing myself, I am afraid of disappointing my parents. I have been blessed with amazing parents. I cant stop thinking about the fact that I might fail them. Its only getting worse. I am also physically affected for I have a weaker immune system, I have this constant pain in my chest, and I feel nauseous most of the time. My mom saw me throw up few times out of no where and she suspected something but I dismissed it as just feeling sick. I am a man desperately looking for hope and strength but the journey itself is what is hurting me. Simply put, I am literally deathly afraid of failure. What can I do on my own to get a straight mind. I keep telling myself to man up, but this only seems to make things worse. Any help is appreciated.