Over the past 7 days, any appointment Iīve had has made me somehow really upset in advance and I donīt know WHY all of a sudden....
It started last Friday, I coulndīt sleep for 8 or 9 hours I lay awake not being able to stop thinking about this appointment the next day (which I have EVERY friday, and it usually does not make me nervous in advance...)
I ended up canceling it at 7 in the morning. Only after I cancelled, I could fall asleep.
The same happened the next Tuesday, when I canceled at 4 in the morning and immediately could go to sleep after (again, no big appointment, Iīve had simular all the time lately and they didnīt upset me in any way)
And last night again, I lay awake hours, feeling like my brain just wouldnīt shut off because of the appointment the next day. I wasnīt anxious at first, I just noticed how I myself was keeping my brain switched on and wouldnīt allow myself to let go and sleep before I had canceled it ( i need to cancel them right away too, I canīt wait til morning to do so, or I wonīt sleep.)
When this happens, I get really angry at myself, frustrated, I start really hating myself, because I know that I, noone else, my own body, is causing me this misery and keeping me from relaxing.
I even get urges to hit myself in the face because Iīm soo frustrated and angry at myself for not being "normal" (... I know
)
I donīt know whatīs wrong with me lately! And what caused this.
I guess maybe my subconsciousness is telling me I need more quiet and private time and is practically "forcing" me to take it?... I donīt know
