I'm sorry that you have had such a hard life. It's clear to me you are very hurt and have strong resentments. It's understandable. It's hard to let go and believe someone can love you when the person who should have loved you the most neglected to do that. When you are ready to deal with the hurt and can give people a second chance to prove they are not all like her i think you will begin to heal and it will be much better. You deserve to be loved... And who you decide to be determines who will love you.