Well, you have developed an anxiety about therapy, so you must not "feel safe" when you are with your therapist for some reason. You should be able to go to therapy knowing that when you do go it gives you a chance to vent and talk and feel the therapist is going to listen and not just judge you in some way.

Therapy is something you should look forward to IMHO, with a sense that you are going to spend time with someone who will be caring, listen, and nurture you through your healing process. When someone struggles with PTSD, they need to have a therapist that they really feel understands "their unique challenge" and be there to help them slowly work through it and understand it themselves. People with PTSD often have a very hard time understanding it and verbalizing the ways they struggle. If they are with someone who reacts with any "just comments" it becomes very painful and unsettling for them. Often people who struggle do well when they are with others that struggle with it too because they gain a tremendous amount of comfort just knowing that someone else actually knows the challenge first hand.

What I have found for myself is that when I was really struggling and had to be around others that sent me messages where they didn't understand it and were only going to tell me to "just deal, just calm down, just stop dwelling etc." I would literally reel in pain until all I could do is try to escape to my bed with a bad headache and not be able to function.

I didn't make any real progress until I worked with a therapist who remained "calm" and let me know that he had a real understanding of how "very real" and "crippling" my symptoms would get.

So you need to think about how your therapist has become a source of threat to you somehow where just the thought of having to be with him/her brings you this amount of discomfort.

When this happened to me, as hard as it was, I did talk to my therapist about it, I was so profoundly moved by how difficult it was for me to function with the PTSD that I just felt that because my therapist also worked with others, that maybe he could learn something from me that would also help him think about how he could make it more "safe" and "helpful" for others too. Well, it worked and my therapist was open minded and understanding and I was able to slowly develop a relationship with him where I felt "comfortable" with him and actually looked forward to our sessions.

So what is it about this therapist that makes you feel uncomfortable? Maybe if you work on that here in this thread some of us can help you figure out how to overcome that.

(((Hugs)))
OE