So I've been seeing my T in a partial hospitalization/residential treatment setting for nearly 2 months. Recently, I've been getting really clingy and she has decided to restrict the amount of time we spend together. I wasn't supposed to talk to her today because we were supposed to talk on Thursday instead.

When I saw her walking in this morning, I greeted her and told her a joke I knew she would appreciate while she was making her morning tea. She did. I then said "I'm not doing a good job leaving you alone so far am I?" She laughed and said as she was walking to her office "no but I love you anyway". I was stunned she said she loves me so I said "what did you say?" to see if she would repeat it. She did. I asked "do you really mean that?" from outside her office. She didn't answer. Part of me thinks she does mean it because I don't think she would have said it if she didn't and if she had just slipped up because it was early and used a common phrase that doesn't mean much, she would have caught the mistake when I asked her to repeat herself. But then I question it

Later, I got really upset during one of the groups because another girl in the group was clearly hitting on this guy I really like. I got jealous and wanted to complain about this girl with my T just for a few seconds. But I knew I couldn't. Then, I saw her taking another client on a walk and giving her attention and I got even more jealous. I felt like I needed to talk to someone, so I talked with her intern. I thought I need to talk to someone, I can't talk to my T, but she never said I can't talk to her intern. So I did. It was good. We talked about a lot of really important and really difficult stuff for like 45 mins. But then my T found us and she was angry. She said she felt upset with her intern and me and spoke quite sternly. I was so upset. I ran and hid in the bathroom.

My T came to look for me and found me in the bathroom. I asked her if she was mad at me. She said yes because I was supposed to regulate my emotions on my own today. Talking to her intern was me bending the agreement we made and because of that, she won't be speaking with me tomorrow because she needs to see me handle myself a little bit before she can feel confident about me transitioning back to school. She was fairly stern with me until I started hysterically crying. She then checked herself and said it was a miscommunication on her part to both me and her intern and that I've been doing a really good job. She rubbed my back, told me she isn't going to hurt me and that this exchange doesn't change how she feels for me.

So I'm spiraling in my head. She tells me she loves me but was it just a phrase? She then gets angry and I feel so guilty I don't want to ever leave my room again.