Quote:
Originally Posted by A Red Panda
Definitely a whirlwind day for you growl.
I agree with your T though - you do need to start self-soothing and learn some self-management skills.
Your T was right to not respond when you were trying to get her to tell you that she loves you like a daughter - which was basically what you were hoping for, right?
I've said the same phrase to students and random people I've just met. It's used differently by everyone. I use it in a "I care" sort of way. Like "Alright, so that was silly/stupid/daft/weird, but my opinion of you isn't any less for it!" When it's said in response to something funny (she was clearly in an amused frame of mind from your joke) then saying that is pretty much never a "I love you truly and deeply" thing. It wouldn't fit in the conversation.
Which is probably why your T didn't respond. You changed the conversation from light and friendly to dead serious in two seconds.
I know how hard it is for you, but your T can't and will never be your parent. She will be in your life for a length of time and in a limited capacity and then she will no longer be in your life.
You need to focus on yourself and not on your fantasies about your T growli! You aren't helping yourself by making that your entire focus (at least, it's all you've shared with us that I've seen).
What have you been doing that is showing how you are taking care of yourself? I know you're taking a more active role in the group talks, but what else?
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But why would she just use those words to someone she knows would have a problem hearing it? I hate people who just toss that word around even in a playful sense. It hurts to
hear it and then find out it wasn't serious.
She said she isn't leaving me after I discharge. She wants to see me outpatient. She said she's not leaving and I can't handle her leaving.
I don't know how to focus on me. That sounds weird. I've sat around and tried to reflect on myself. I haven't hurt myself in nearly two months. But I am really boring to focus on.
To be honest, I'm not sure if all of this isn't just overkill as I desperately avoid trying to process some weird memories that are resurfacing that might be CSA. I don't want these memories to come back, I don't know how to handle them, I don't know if they are real or not. I just aggressively want to not think about it. I've been hiding in my room, sleeping. Is that taking care of myself?