I'm very sorry for your loss. I agree, this is your unconscious mind grieving the loss. To me it sounds like your feeling frantic to find him, and feeling that he is lost is all part of the confusion that surrounds the death of a loved one. The confusion rests the most in your unconscious mind, it is so painful that you cannot fully process it. I lost a very close friend not long ago, and I've had dreams of her, a part of me still feels like she's in my life so she is not really gone.