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I could have written that letter. You have articulated it well. It took me right back to what happened, with balance and perspective. I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. If you are going to end up agreeing to meet with her, I wonder if you want to send the letter, or just agree to meeting, and then read it to her in person. Would that work? or not?
Is it possible to find a 3rd person that is jointly selected, rather than a 3rd person that she picks. I understand how a 3rd person she chooses would feel like a power play. There are also advantages to a 3rd person - someone who will be witness to the pain she has caused you. Someone to give you some support if it gets very difficult. I've been in your position and had to make similar decisions (although it played out a little differently and we haven't yet had a meeting. don't know if we will).
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