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Originally Posted by elliemay
This is a great letter, but perhaps it's best written and kept for yourself. If your previous therapist indicated that there was to be no contact unless there was another therapist mediating, then I think you should probably respect that.
Is there another therapist that can mediate this interaction?
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Yes, that's a really good point. I've been resisting the idea of having another therapist present (obviously). I don't want to be disrespectful of my ex-T's boundaries, and at the same time, want to see if there's some room for compromise. In the event that there's not, I guess I feel compelled to get my point across, as it were. But since it's clearly more for me than for her, maybe I don't need to actually send it.
Did you mean a T other than my current T? That's who my ex-T assumed would be the 3rd party. In talking with my current T about it, she raised some good questions about who would be "leading" the session and whether it would actually be in my best interest.
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Originally Posted by Mactastic
lifelike, I read your letter four times. It actually brought tears to my eyes. Your pain is so raw. Are you working through your feelings about your old T with your new T? Have you made up your mind to send this letter, or are you on the fence?
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Thank you, Mactastic. That's really sweet of you to say. Yes, I've been working through my feelings about exT with my current T. And it's been quite healing in a lot of ways. It just feels like there is unfinished business with my exT that I'm trying really hard to let go of, but feel unable to.
I'm still not sure whether I want to actually send it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie
I think you should not send any letter, do not have any further contact with your ex-T and take this letter to your new T and work on what you feel and to help you work through this.
Sending this letter is going to make thing worse in the long run when you do not get the response you expect.
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I think I'm expecting her to say that we can meet jointly with my current T or not at all, or alternately, not to respond. Despite that, I feel like I want to try to facilitate a better ending in which I can feel more empowered about the whole thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Syra
I could have written that letter. You have articulated it well. It took me right back to what happened, with balance and perspective. I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. If you are going to end up agreeing to meet with her, I wonder if you want to send the letter, or just agree to meeting, and then read it to her in person. Would that work? or not?
Is it possible to find a 3rd person that is jointly selected, rather than a 3rd person that she picks. I understand how a 3rd person she chooses would feel like a power play. There are also advantages to a 3rd person - someone who will be witness to the pain she has caused you. Someone to give you some support if it gets very difficult. I've been in your position and had to make similar decisions (although it played out a little differently and we haven't yet had a meeting. don't know if we will).
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I'm so sorry you've had a similar experience, Syra. I'm really on the fence about meeting with exT with current T present. And I know that current T is on the fence about it too. She's perfectly willing to do it, but she is trying to help me figure out what would feel most empowering - meeting or not meeting.
I'm not sure how we would go about jointly choosing a third party, but it makes sense. I guess in the end, my current T is probably the only person I'd want to have in my corner, so to speak.
Are you leaning one way or the other about having a final meeting?