I don't know what to do honestly. My dad's over-worked and on Chantix and on my case about medications when he doesn't let me actually see how I'd be off the medication in the first place. He says that in the past I go off Abilify and then after 3 days I feel like ****, well it's true. That's because Abilify causes withdrawal symptoms and often they make you edgy.

But I've never had psychosis without a medication influencing me to make me act psychotic. For one, I was depressed and they thought I had something else so they put me on Risperdal which made me more depressed, than Haldol, then Thorazine even though I was catatonic, they were just handing me pills left and right after I was broken down for refusing medication because I thought that I could recover on my own, and I wasn't given the chance to because they harassed me so much and forced me to take medication that I never got the chance to recover. I don't think I'm crazy anymore, if I was in the past it's not the same as it used to be.

I've gotten older and I've grown up a lot and I'm tired of taking medication. I'm 24, this way before the time is supposed to set in for women to develop Bipolar or Schizoeffective. I just want to be left alone and I'm so depressed over it I can't even think, I just want to get away from home and never look back because of how much it hurts me inside that they did this to help me, and it hurt me because they were so misled by lying quacks who pretended I was this or that, or assumed I was this or that, and never gave me a chance to be anything that was who I was supposed to be.

Not some drooling overmedicated lab rat stuck in hell. lately Abilify had been making me sleep all day, days on end, lose track of time, not care about anything, I had no motivation and no sense of feeling or empathy. it ****ed me up so much I stopped caring literally about everyone and everything in the entire universe. Is that actually supposed to help me or just make me kill myself? Maybe that's what they wanted afer-all, just for me to off myself so I'd never threaten their ****ing establishment again. I should have sued, my parents didn't bother and I resent them for not doing anything or even reporting the abuse, and then agreed with it like they were right. It's like they proved them right. I was in shock from the abuse, I wasn't psychotic. I was in shock because I was abused and raped in the hospital.

I can't think of any way to recover anymore until I disown my family. But I can't, because I don't have enough financial support to live away from my rich father and psycho mom. I just want everyone to let me be myself. I don't think my family loves me, I think they just love what they project they want from me. I can't fix anyone let alone myself, a borderline suicidal mother isn't the best role model ya know? Because maybe I was just too ****ing broken in the first place.