First off I'll say that I am 18 as age might have a lot to do with it. Anyway, I have grown up into trends starting from about 5 years ago. As the trends passed, I followed onto the next. I listened to hardcore music years ago because my friends were and girls I liked also liked it, so much that I developed a "passion" for it. I quote passion because now I don't even care that much for the music except for nostalgic purposes. I got into electronic stuff because Tumblr came out maybe 3 years ago, you know dubstep (the obnoxious kind) which made me branch off into different abstract hip hop and other weird electronic music genres. I am now listening to ambient / drone / intelligent music because I am tired of the simple mindedness around everything else. It's all so formulaic to me and everyone's just following the trend.
But that's exactly it, am I just trying to be different and stand out? I feel like I really enjoy this music but I also 'enjoyed' all of this other trendy things I listened to. I know music is a poor choice of things to talk about but it's one of the things that I've noticed the most. Am I just faking everything? How do I know if I ACTUALLY like something now if I'm so convinced by other outside sources that's it's good or different? Is me questing this / being aware a sign that I don't like it? If so, how do I know what I actually like.

This is what I've been going through for the past year, therapy doesn't really help at all because they're all pointing to my father that left when I was 3 whom I do not know so I don't really care about at all haha. So I need someone who knows psychology to help me out. I have looked all over the internet for ages trying to understand what is happening in my head but nothing helps. Thank you.

Here's another sad example. I was a christian because I was brought up that way, got bored of it when i left private school to public school, got into christian hardcore (trend so i don't even know if i was actually christian in retrospect), dated a girl who was incredibly intelligent who was an atheist and atheism suddenly made a lot of sense to me, we broke up though. Funny thing, I'm still pretty atheist but she's a christian now, I recently found that out and now I'm looking for religion again because people seem so happy and I just want to be plain and happy like them.

What is this? haha..