Quote:
Originally Posted by growlycat
Actually, I am surprised she was angry. Reaching out to an alternate support person is normal and healthy. Maybe t realizes that now, or is realizing she wasn't clear about what she wanted you to do.
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Well, she was angry with her intern because instead of doing the work she had asked her to do, she was taking to the client that was supposed to be on her own today. I think she realizes that she was a little bit too snappy with me because she backed off, say next to me, and comforted me when I started crying.
Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
Days like this are certainly a learning opportunity--but they also suck!
Yeah, it sounds like she misspoke. But the opportunity for you is to experience cutting people some slack. Others don't share our state of mind every second of the day, even Ts in session. Our feeling states don't dictate what others do and say. She owns her language, and you own your feelings about it. Sometimes, when both people are invested in a relationship, it makes a kind of negotiation possible--and I think that's what happened here eventually.
Your reactivity to others puts a lot of stress on your capacity to self-soothe and take care of yourself in a healthy way. That's what emotional regulation is all about, and why she wants you to practice while you're in a protected setting with support. Have you had any experience with mindfulness? Sleeping excessively is avoidance, more than self-care. Mindfulness techniques may be part of your DBT. These techniques take a lot of repetitious practice before they become natural feeling. And practicing them under a certain amount of stress is important. Your T isn't setting limits to punish you, nor because her regard for you has changed. She's doing a good thing by you to help develop your ability to keep yourself safe. The difficult feelings that come up are part of the process.  |
I am cutting her some slack. She made a mistake in her presentation. None of these instances even happened in a therapeutic setting. One happened while she was getting her morning tea and the other happened when she was going to check on her intern and was surprised to see me there and not in the group. She reacted too hard and recognized that she did trigger me at least a little because she told me that she isn't going to hurt me and she still feels the same way about me. Plus, not even an hour after she was mad, I found her lying on the couch in her office, doubled over because at some point she had accidentally eaten soy and she's SUPER allergic. She could have been feeling sick when she snapped at me and not totally in the right moment to handle the situation in a better way. I grabbed her some water and made sure she was close to a phone when I found her like that. I hate it when she is in pain like that. She normally is absolutely incredible about hiding that from us, but I went to her office to tell her that I called the DBT groups she wanted me to call and found her. So I know I need to cut her a break. She's human.
I'm scared to go back today. I'm scared something will be different between us. I'm scared of the jealousy I'll experience as she gives other clients attention but not me because today is my day to self soothe on my own. It's not even that I can't do it. It's that I love my T so much it's hard for me to stay away and I get so jealous. Not to mention her other client is hitting on the guy I like and that makes me angry even though it shouldn't because he's not my boyfriend and he doesn't like her. At all. But I have to get my butt out of bed and on the T now. If I don't go, that would a) make the staff worried and b) would not look like evidence of me handling my own emotions.
Yes, we do mindfulness. It's super hard for me though, especially with ADHD. I can really only practice it with art or music, but I am trying. I did some last night and it really helped.
Wish me luck today...