Last night could have been difficult. I spoke with my lady friend for awhile and she was accomodating as usual and at one point we were both eating.. and as I was still cooking I posted something to her about "fb is boring" just randomly. I guess she thought I was "back" and said "sorry, I can't eat as fast as you x_X." Anyway that's trivial but just sharing lol. Anyway after that we just went back and forth a bit and it was funny, she assumed I was busy and I assumed the same. Because of the long pauses.. I asked "do you want to do something?" and she replied "want to play Borderlands?" She said soemthing to the effect of her not knowing what i was doing (assuming I was doing something else) and I told her that I was thinking she was the one busy.. >.> funny kinda. Anyway we never did play. She said "brb" and was gone for a bit and when she got back said "I think I am getting sick."

I told her if she needs to rest, she should and I understand. We went back and forth a bit about light stuff but at some point she said "I think I will rest. " And was gone for the night.

I did well. but then I knew where she went. I fought thoughts that my evil mind playing tricks on me wanted to convince me of. I fought the idea that she was not sick but was just avoiding me. yeah I'm that bad but I fought it. I went and did some artwork and streamed it for awhile on Justin.tv (21,000 views at this point! woo - had to throw that in there) and talked to one of my friends on FB for a bit before going to bed.

I went online before I did and sent her a message and let her know that she was missed last night. I sent my well wishes and told her I hope she feels better soon, and all that jazz This morning I got a reply, very simply that said "The little ball in my mouth which I have no idea what it is called hurt bad... especially when I swallow... " D: I feel bad that she's sick and I can't do anything to care for her - God that drives me crazy. So I told her to drink lots of fluids and hot drinks should help her throat.

Anyway, I'm proud of myself, last night could have been a repeat panic attack but I kept the dark, foreboding monster of fear, at bay.

some of you have said you enjoy my updates so here it is! >.>