Well, I made it to lunch. My T apparently isn't coming in the morning today. I hope she is okay considering that when I left, she was having an awful allergic reaction. The other staff said she'll be here in the afternoon. I'm mixed about this. I'm worried that me not asking for help in the morning won't count towards showing her that I can manage my own emotions if she isn't here to see it. I'm nervous for her to come. I'm scared something will be different. I'm scared to feel the feelings of wanting to talk to her but I can't increasing when I see her.

I've been having a rough day just in general too. I really feel like I need to talk to someone but I can't but there are so many feelings swarming around and disturbing memories and ugh. I find myself constantly getting foggy and nearly falling asleep despite not being tired. It's like my system gets overrun and shuts down.