denial is a strong lasso. its difficult to post here, but its time to begin....somewhere.

we, sounds like me. i, doesn't work so well, but it's used for others comfort, and sometimes "i" is strong willed. hmmm, perhaps there is an "i" now. this is new for me.

very happily married for 8yrs. love being together, remain incredibly attracted to one another. this is where the issue steps in.

intimacy. as a sa survivor it is extremely difficult to be sexually active with my husband. everything can be going along wonderfully and wham, out of the blue it becomes .....not so wonderful. immediate dissociation.

low lighting, eyes open; sometimes it doesn't matter.

in my head there is someone who really enjoys being intimate. not sure where or how to reach her.
maybe there isn't anyone else?

my husband teases me about "her," and there will be no memory of it for me.

i'm sorry, there is no way for me to describe this.

does anybody relate? how do you deal with this situation?

i don't know who i am anymore, my head just swirls.

thanks for listening.
summer