Last night I only managed 1 or 2 hours of sleep.

Sometimes sleeping pills have a strong stimulant effect for me--if I'm physically tired but my mind isn't ready to turn off, they only end up robbing me of sleep and simultaneously giving me an intense, groggy energy. It's horrible. Ambien, melatonin, bendaryl, hydroxyzine, and any anti psychotic with a strong sedative effect all cause this, except the latter make it hard to get out of bed in addition to stopping sleep (18 hours laying down but can only sleep 4 of them).

Very little sleep resulting from a missed or very small sleep cycle is the only time my mind ever feels calm and not twitchy or racing, which is a nice break, so 24 hours plus without sleep isn't all negative. The worst part about it is it usually gives me dehydration, high resting heart rate, and strong anxiety.

I definitely have a sleeping problem because it always takes me 1-2 hours to fall asleep or more, and that's when I eat good and exercise hard. I think my circadian rythm may also be sensitive to daylight because it get's pitch black here in Washington state around 4-5 pm this time of year, whereas I seem to sleep better in summer and with sun exposure. Vitamin d pills aren't enough, but at least my skin isn't damaged by uv light as much.

I always thought it weird that depressed people sleep more--I always slept far less, and it's only by coincidence or during the jittery--energized phase that I only get in some (hypom)manias that cause me to sleep less. I think the endorphin high from yesterday sent me up a little too high which is why I barely slept and am not tired at all at the moment.

I used to be agnostic-atheist until I was totally blindsided with religious delusions during the last "episode". You could say that I'm spiritual now, in some sense. I think it's helped a lot with my outlook, even though I almost tried walking on water.