Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
I agree with Elliemay and Moxie here. I understand how awful what happened to you was and think your ex-T handled it very badly. But she's made it clear under what circumstances (for whatever reasons) she's willing to hear you out. The letter seems to be what you would say were you to have the meeting you want--but which she has only agreed to within her conditions. Beyond that, because it overruns her boundaries, I doubt it will be heard in the ways you want.
I don't really see the problem with a mediated session, if you trust your current T. If not, then I wouldn't agree to it. But I suspect your ex-T wants the witness more for her legal protection than as any statement about your ability to conduct such a session. She seems to believe there's the chance she could be set up for some sort of retalliation, so she's being defensive. It's not that unusual, and needn't have anything to do with the reality of the situation as you see it.
I do think closure doesn't need to involve her at all, and I think you're right to be extremely cautious about your intentions and actions in order to protect yourself. Have you shared the letter with your current T?
|
Your points are all good ones. At the moment, I'm leaning toward not sending the letter. I realize that it was written in a (prolonged) moment of strong emotion, and although it represents accurately my thoughts and feelings, it won't get me what I really want: my ex-T back. I had been aware in the days before writing the letter that I'm experiencing a new wave of grief over this loss, and I think writing it was helpful in organizing my thoughts.
I do trust my current T, though I'm sensing that she's reluctant to do a joint session. I can certainly talk with her further. I haven't shared the letter with her yet. For some reason it makes me uncomfortable to imagine doing so (though there's nothing in it that she hasn't already heard). That gives me reason to pause too.
Thanks so much for your thoughtful feedback.