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I am definitely no expert or able to say I have gone through something similar but know that you are not alone and there are people who are listening on this forum.
First let me address that it is never ok, never acceptable at any point in time for another person to be abusive whether physically, verbally, and/or emotionally. What your husband is doing is completely wrong and no matter how much fault you have done (which there seems to be none); he has no right to treat you that way.
I recently got out of an 8 year relationship with now ex-fiancée. She was abusive in the since that I always blamed myself for her having to yell at me and blame me for her anger and tantrums. As difficult as it was, I was diagnosed with codependency which supported why I stayed in the abusive relationship. I am in no way saying that you have the same issue but know help is out there and there are good people who will support you through your tough times.
This doesn’t seem like it just happened overnight or after you got married. I believe, and I could be wrong, that your husband has had his issues (maybe not as bad) when you were dating. You can’t force him to change especially if he doesn’t want to and blames it on everyone around him. But you can change for yourself.
Know that any child living in an abusive household will always recognize it at a very young age. They are not stupid or too young to understand. It will be healthier, in my opinion, to grow up in a loving home with a caring mother than with parents who fight all the time and there is only yelling and screaming. You say you don’t want your kids to think the actions of your husband to be acceptable, and then please don’t let your kids grow up 24/7 seeing that.
It is scary, and completely frightening at the thought of starting over. But your family and friends from before are not going away. You tell us they are loving, then embrace that love and let them know what is going on.
Don’t be confrontational with your husband, as that seems to only make matters worse. Take a moment, get the support you need, and plan out what needs to happen. Don’t think about 5, 10, 20 years from now. Think about what I can do now to make this happen and do it. I know you can, you sound like a wonderful mother and those two kids of yours deserve happiness as much as you do.
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