I've been making progress with 'if it is you who hurt me, you are the one who should be trying to make it better.' Still not where it should be but making progress.

Thank you, Ash89! Well put. Glad you're getting progress. My husband does not seem to get it no matter how I try to explain and it seems perfectly clear - self-explanatory really! So then I'm hurt even more that he seems to just expect me to get over it and go back to 'normal' without any healing effort from him, and then judges me for how I hurt and try to deal with his neglect. ....???!!!!???