Cycling through mania, even with a low-dose prescription of Lamotrigine.

Yesterday was manic, with little sleep, and today is depressed. I see all of these kids going off to college, and enjoying their money. I know that they'll be miserable later, with all of their school debt, but I'm still jealous.

The thing is, even if I spend all of my money, I wont' be happy. I keep pretty close tabs on it, so that I don't overspend due to lack of conscious effort. I want to go into the Peace Corps, or something....

I dunno, I'm really down at the moment. My dad married a woman about a year ago, and she wants me out of the house. Pretty typical. I am a brat, so it kind of makes sense though.

For the past five years, I had planned on going into the military. The structure, and sense of operations as well as hard work was a beautiful concept. I spent all of my highschool days using it as an excuse to stay in school and keep going.

My senior year, I learned that it would not be possible for me to go into the military. Maybe government, one day. But not the military. I had never been hospitalized for depression, or anything before, so it was health-related skin rash, ect. My entire world got turned upside down, and I'm so lost. It was kind of my life.

I'm trying to create a new life, but what's the point? My buddies were all in the Military, and I'm not connecting with other people. I've found multiple clubs and given all the good college try. I'm working 38 hours a week, have IOP, and am taking 11 credits. I'm not busy enough. i feel like it's not worth it.

What do you guys do when you get down in teh dumps? I played the violin religiously and am passionate about it. I hate it right now, and my arts n crafts outlets are all boring. Nothing is good, or enjoyable, and if I waste time watching TV or mindlessly websearching, I'll feel like a waste. I'm so tired, but I will probably stay up all night tossing and turning.

What the hell do you do? Do you just work through this, and feel stronger at the end, knowing that you made it through at least ____ amount of days, and are feeling alright again?

Help, i've got no hope