im thinking back to all my suicide attemtps i made.

and i always see people say "if u really wanted to have died u would have"

i failed them obviously.
mostly because i didnt know how to do it right. a couple times i took pills just a lot of pills. i thought i was doing it right but i didnt.

i feel embarassed to have those few attempts under my belt. like ima failure cus i did it wrogg or didnt succeed.

i wish i had some alcohol to drown away these thoughts but i dont. but i got xaanax

i wish i had succeeded. i really do.