I am having a difficult time grasping my mom's behavior because of her narcissistic personality disorder. I understand that people who are abusers don't necessarily realize that they are emotionally abusing you, but I only believe that to a certain extent.

When she used to bully me and my brother and sister when we were younger by saying "do you want to play power"....she had to have known before saying it that it was to intimidate/instill fear in us. My mom might love me in whatever way she is capable of since clearly she doesnt love herself.....but i honestly feel content with disengaging any sort of loving emotions i had for her. I do not feel she is completely unaware of her narcisistic ways and yes a part of me feels sorry for her for what her father did to her. However, she has done the EXACT SAME emotionally abusive behaviors to me, but yet I am not that way nor will I ever be that way because I am breaking the cycle.

I don't want to hate my mom but I don't want to essentially waste my time deeply caring for someone, even though she is sick, who on some level is aware of her selfish, disrespectful and emotionally abusive ways.She's a sixth grade teacher,she would've been fired the first week instead of teaching at the same school for 15+ years if she was completely oblivious to her abusive behaviors.